laced with fog
by self-imploding-doom
Summary: Konoha was a place that I once knew... Full of happy people and good ninjas. Where people had friends and family. All but some went without these things, I was among those few....
1. Amalgamation

amalgamation

Moving the few strands of hair out of my eyes, I looked up at the gray sky between the branches of an old tree that I was sitting under. It had been raining for quite some time, not to mention it's been cold. I only had the clothes on my back, a mask, and a sword. No money and no food. My headband hung from a branch, reflecting the earth around it. I yawned and stretched. I wasn't going to move because there were only a few trees out where I was. The ground was hard and cold and I wished it had been warmer. Rubbing my nose I looked up to find it foggy again lightly raining, then sighing out, "Well I better practice." Picking up my sword I go and look for a pitiful excuse for a tree to go beat up.  
Walking some ways sneezing and muttering how much I hated the cold, I finally got to an oak tree. Gracefully pulling out my sword I hacked and sliced at the tree until it was completely unrecognizable. With little sweat on my brow I was done "practicing" for the day. I was only a little warmer than I was when I started. I sighed and went back to my spot. A little trail of steam-ish stuff trailed behind me, breathing normal I could see my breath, making little rings to amuse myself as I went back to my spot.

"Let's just hope that I fall a sleep before I die." I huddled against the tree knowing that I couldn't start a fire because of my lack of flints and the abundance of damp wood. Gently closing my eyes while hoping for a warm place to move to I drifted off into sleep. To my surprise I woke up feeling something warm around me. Slowly opening up my eyes, I saw that it was a black cloak with red clouds on it. I had little knowledge on who it belonged to, but being selfish I didn't really care. I saw a person with long blond hair standing three feet to the east from me. I made a little shaky sigh saying in it's own words, "I'm still cold." The person didn't move its body from its stance but turned their head to look at me. Bright blue eyes penetrated me as what I thought was a female moved closer. I didn't move much but watched him grow closer observing _her_ movements, _she _didn't walk like a girl nor did _she_ have hips. So being risky I quickly decided that _**she**_ was a **he**.

He knelt down and put his thumb under my chin lifting up my head. I was calm because I was groggy and didn't really care if he killed me or not. He observed my face until he got bored and said something.

"So you're the notorious Shienna, un?"

With a puzzled look I said, "Never knew I was notorious." He laughed.

"Well a missing ninja like yourself would be hated for leaving, and seeing you have no place to stay…. Not to mention your power is exquisite. You should come with me, un." Sighing and looking down I said, "I left because they hated me anyways. They wouldn't miss me but fear me more." My face was solemn as I had a dazed look glaze my eyes.

"So would you like to join me un?" with a confused tone I said, "What for?" his face grew soft and said, "To be taken in to a place that you would belong in and no one would fear you or hate you, un." Suspiciously I said, "How much do you know about me?" his soft expression faded into a mischievous smile and came close to my ear whispering,

"More than you know about yourself, un." I should have freaked out and ran, but I was numbed by his words.

"Hm… so you know I would only trust few people." He backed up and looked into my eyes and nodded his head, "Yeah." His head games made me have to think harder on why he was really looking for me.

"So how would I know that if you took me in you wouldn't use me then kill me when you were done?" He looked hurt by my words.

"We wouldn't kill you, un." I sighed and reluctantly said, "Fine, I'll go with you. Just don't pull anything funny." I thought over and over in my head that it was a bad idea, I didn't know what I was getting into but my other judgment was tugging at go along for the ride and see where it takes you. He smiled and got up putting out a hand for me to also get up. I took his hand, got up, grabbing my sword and mask. I had a funny feeling when I grabbed his hand. We walked for a while then came to a paper smooth bird. He got on it and put out a hand again. Reluctantly grabbing his hand and cringed when I grabbed it but pulled myself up.


	2. Flight on a paper bird

Flight on a paper smooth bird; my inner self is unfolding once again.  
(part 2)

I sat down and pulled the cloak around me, trying to stay warm. We traveled in silence at first but then I curiously said, "Aren't you cold?" He came and sat next to me, and tilted his head to the side.

"Just a tad but I can live with it, un. Plus, I let you use my cloak to keep warm, un." I shivered and said, "I hate the cold… I can't live here much longer." He laughed and said, "Then why are you here, un?" "Well, I got lost just drifting trying to find a warm place... but it's November so almost everywhere I go is cold." I looked at him and pulled my thick white hair out of my eyes. He happily sighed and shook his head.

"What?"

"Leader was right, un. You do have the most peculiar eyes I have ever seen. And with the rings around your eyes, you look just like a wolf, un." I muttered.

"So you do know more than I thought." He looked smugly at me.

"I told you, un." Now interested I asked, "So how much do you know about my **inner self**?" He opened his mouth but then he couldn't push out words. I raised a thin eyebrow at him until he finally spoke.

"You have a wolf demon in you un…. It can be quite dangerous." I closed my eyes and sighed, I knew he didn't want to hurt me; if he did I would want to turn back. But I had asked and he told. He mused to himself but it was clear that he was trying to speak to me.

"We could extract it, but…"

"Preposterous!" I shot him a dirty look.

"So that's all you wanted from me. I should have known… oh well, if I am that stupid to go with you just to get slaughtered then I deserve it." He was trying to handle this gingerly.

"You're taking this the wrong way, sorry to say we don't want your demon, we wanted you to join us. That's it, un." He then started muttering under his breath. "So judgmental." I felt kind of bad for saying that, and so I slowly processed an explanation.

"…I only said that because the last time I joined someone they only wanted my power and I only wanted a place to belong. People only see me as a monster or a tool… never a person." He paused and looked at me, I was looking down with an emotionless face. I broke the silence by tightening up more and sighing.

"Well I guess I'll join, no going back. And even if you do kill me…. I wouldn't care. Every one hates me anyway." He looked confused. I lifted my head and looked at him. "I forgot to ask… but what is your name?" He looked happier now and cheerfully sang out, "My name is Deidara, un!" Half way closing my eyes I said, "That's a nice name." And gently flopped over and fell asleep. I was in my own little dream world for a while when I heard a slight humming sound, then felt things moving through my hair. I gently touched it, and felt warm smooth skin. I could tell that my head was on his lap. Making a murring noise I fell unconscious once more.


	3. Sleeping spot

Sleeping spot? (part 3)

I awoke sometime; when we got into the place I thought was their base. Deidara was carrying me in to a room and laid me down on the bed. Groggy I asked, "We here?"

"Yeah," he replied softly. He laid next to me on the bed when I shot up. I, feeling uncomfortable, grabbed a pillow and a blanket.

"Where are you going, un?" I shot him a sleepy annoyed look.

"Somewhere to sleep." He looked back at the bed.

"The bed is free." I was a totally different person when I was asleep. More rude and selfish, talking out of place... sort of different.

"I don't think so…" My voice trailed off and I turned around walking out the door. "A place to sleep." It was dark but I used what little light there was. I saw a lumpy figure on the couch. I whispered to myself, "Umm… not there." I zombieishly walked to a door and opened it. I saw a tub/shower and used a used towel to soak up the water and threw it on the floor. I put the pillow by the opening in the fabric and hopped in pulling the blanket around me. I fell into a slumber and didn't wake up until I heard the door click open, then shut. Opening up my eyes I looked over to see a man with pale skin and dark hair. He drank the rest of his coffee and put it down on the counter. He sighed and took off his pajama shirt. I completely forgot where I was. He was right about to take off his pants when I smothered my face with the pillow screaming.

"My virgin eyes!" He looked at the tub, practically jumping out of his skin, turning even fairer than he already was. On the outside the rest of the members could hear screaming coming from the bathroom and three people quickly ran to it, bursting open the door. Deidara's voice came into play.

"Well, she's a smart one all right. My first test was--" He broke off and I could tell his lips curled into a sheepish smile.

"Well, I offered her the bed, but she knew that there would be no good coming out of that. So she came in here." A lighter voice smooth as glass spoke.

"Let's just hope Zetsu doesn't eat her. Him and people..." He sighed. Deidara's voice spoke.

"Hey, you still in there?" I opened my eyes and yawned out a "Yes, I'm still in here." I got out of the tub and everyone's jaws dropped in disbelief except Deidara's. Playfully I tossed some words around.

"No, I am not a figment of your imagination, I am a real person." I politely bowed and said, "My name is Shienna." I looked at all the faces with there eyes covered in disbelief. I waited for a moment.

"Sooo…. Who are all of you? Now that I have introduced myself?" Deidara stepped forward and looked at the crowd of people. He pointed to a red-haired man.

"That is sasori." He pointed to the shirtless man. "And that man that you scared half to death is Itachi." He pointed to a BLUE man with lines on the side of his face. He looked annoyed.

"That's Kisame, don't mind him. You will meet more in the meeting." I grabbed my stuff and left the room saying, "Itachi, was it?" He answered.

"Y-yes?"

"Sorry if I scared you. You can take your shower without having people randomly pop out of the tub." I heard people laugh and prodding the poor man about the advent. Walking back to Deidara's room I sighed softly to myself, putting my stuff on the bed. From all the excitement I began to think. Not on what just happened but what will happen. My happy expression faded into a plastered glazed emotionless one. It seemed like seconds before someone opened up the door. Deidara came in chuckling to himself.

I was looking out the window with my emotionless face. My gold eyes reflected the sky thinly laced with fog, staring past the trees and into the gray sky. Deidara looked confused.

"You have been in here for hours on end… I don't think this is good for your health." I loosened up and turned to him with an emotionless face. His face fell and he came and sat next to me. "What's wrong, Shienna? Un?"

His blue eyes, so soft and comforting.

"Nothing, really," I whispered. My voice had a melancholy ring to it, which gave it all away.

"No, something must be wrong… Will you tell me what?"

"You know more about it than I do, don't you?" He looked at me, puzzled.

"Huh? What are you saying?"

"You should know that it's getting closer and closer to that very day."

I was silent. Then I felt stupid for saying anything.

"You know what…. You can forget about my past, you don't need to know anything… it wont help me anyway. Nothing can."


	4. Meeting

I followed him into a room that looked like a living room mixed with a kitchen. Off to the side was a large table full of people shuffling over to it, casually taking their seats. I sat next to Deidara and Kisame. I gazed at the rows of people to my left, then my right and some in front of me. The leader was on the far left end. His face full of piercings, they all glittered in the light provided just above his head. Dazzling orange hair glistened, defying all gravity as it stood on end.

He cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Welcome, Akatsuki members. Today we have a special guest. And unfortunately, one of our members cannot make it today." He looked each one of us in the eyes except Itachi.

"I will have you first, Shienna-san. Tell us about yourself." I felt like there was a rock in my stomach, but I stood up reluctantly, and then bowed politely.

"Hello, my name is Shiro-Shienna. I come from the Land of Lightning." Pointing at my headband that had a slash on it. I mumbled to myself, "What else is there to say..."

"I use to live in the Land of Fire, the Hidden Leaf Village… until I ran away, looking for a reason to live." Trying not to sound like a big puddle of drear I moved on to my abilities.

"Let's see. I wield a Nodachi, I can make unusual scrolls, putting large amounts of chakra into the ink and using a brush passed down from my family I can bring drawings to life. And besides the fact that I can memorize any scroll technique, that's about it." Most of the faces were slightly impressed. I knew what they wanted to hear, but I wasn't going to let out more than I had to and I politely sat down. The leader looked at me with questionable eyes.

"Is there any thing else you want to tell the group." I said no and tried to look like I wasn't hiding something. The leader cleared his throat.

"Well looks like someone here is bashful." I looked confused but then in less than a second my face drifted into a glare. He had a devilish smile, I knew he was going to let the cat out of the bag.. He cleared his throat again and began to speak while I sunk into my chair.

"Well there was one thing that Shienna-san forgot to tell you.." His devilish smile got bigger.

"Deidara would you please move her hair so every one can see how unique she really is?" He gently pulled me up so I was sitting upright. I looked at Deidara with pleading eyes that were covered in gray-white hair. He gave me a sympathetic look and reached out to my face. I thought of doing something unexpected, but I didn't. It was my first impression. So I let him brush the hair from my eyes. I heard gasps and "wows" from the crowd. Kisame, the person off to my right, looked in shock and mused to him self.

"And they thought I was weird." I shot him a dirty look, and he then looked sorry for what he said. A man with white hair and a young face spoke up.

"So, what are you, really…" His voice trailed off when he saw the pain imprinted on my face.

"She has a wolf demon in her." The leader spoke flawlessly but quite dry. I moved Deidara's hand from my face and let my white hair fall back into my eyes. I slumped in my chair and sighed softly and sadly. The leader's voice picked up again.

"As you would imagine, she ran away after people knew about it." I mumbled under my breath.

"That's only the half." The leader's eyes danced with interest.

"Will you tell your story, Shienna-san?"

"Why do you all have to know everything about me?" I asked glumly. The leader gave another mischievious smile.

"Because your oh-so interesting." I sighed.

"Fine, fine…. Just please don't bring it up often…. I would rather forget about it." The members stared intently at me... I would rather tell them later. But I had to now, I was under pressure.


	5. meeting: telling the past

Meeting- telling my past:

"Well I was born in the Land of Lightning. I can't remember much of my childhood. All I know is that I was always hated by random people. Children would scream and flee from me. All I wanted was to love and to be loved." I saw some empathetic looks coming from people.

"No one told me anything about myself, but my mother always reminded me that she would always love me. My father was out on a mission and I would wait for him to come home, every night I would work on the day he would come home. What to wear, and child stuff like that. I would look up at the night sky and gaze at the moon, because I always knew that he would be looking at the same sky as I was, no matter where he was. Once, when I was with my mother and sister, cleaning the house I asked her, 'Mom…. What am I?' She was hiding something from me, and she lied on many accounts. She told my sister to go out and play.

"She put her hand on my shoulder and told me, 'Why, you're a wonderful girl.' I looked sullen and said, 'No, what am I. If I was like everyone else, then no one would run from me. Everyone would refuse and lie to me why they couldn't come out and play.' I was six when she told me.

"From that day on, I classified myself as a monster. I didn't speak to people. I didn't look at people, I isolated myself from everything. When father came home… It was the first in a long time that I felt joy. When he came back, he was taller than I remembered, his face was more serious, but he was still the same. I was just turning 12... Only one more month before I would be 12. Our supply of happiness only lasted for three weeks. That one night, I heard the door open and I heard splashes of yells and screams. I could smell the bitter smell of blood in the air. I tried to act like I was asleep. I was hidden very well, only looking like a pile of blankets. I heard people leave. My mothers' tears and cries called to me. She said to me, 'Daddy wont wake up for a while.' I saw her hand holding on to his as both of them were bleeding." I stopped. I thought I was going to cry. I couldn't handle thinking of that night but every one was glued to my story. I continued.

"I knew they were going to die and there was nothing I could do. My mother told me to grab the family Nodachi and a brush that was from a long line from our family. I took some ink and scrolls and set off running and screaming for help. No one dared to come out of their houses. I went back to the house to spend my final moments with them… but it was too late. The house was ablaze. And the man just looked at the house with a twisted smile. He saw that I got out. I was very fearful and ran to my uncle's house. I spent months in the forest making my way to Konoha. I was attacked by sound ninjas every once in a while, perfecting what I knew and making up some new attacks as I went along. I finaly got to Konoha's gates. I knew my uncle lived there. I found him and was enrolled into the ninja academe. I learned all I could about everything and everything. But I never seemed to fit in... So after I learned all I really needed to know, I ran off. No one missed me, but I have gotten word that they are trying to hunt me down because, 'I am a threat to the village.' And that's all there really is to me." I folded my arms and sat back in my seat.


	6. Lunch: to eat or to BE eaten

Every member had a look in there eye, either empathy or sympathy.

The leader was quiet for a while until he cleared his throat, " well… thanks for sharing. I'll introduce you to the members. I'll start on my left and work my way around Me." he pointed to a man who looked like he had a plant around his head. He quietly said, "My name is Zetsu." The man with white hair spoke up, "my name is Hidan." I knew Itachi was right next to him but he said his name also. a man with what looked like goggles and a mask spoke too. "My name is Kakuzu." Deidara was next. He nodded his head and waved. He had a MOUTH on his hand. I blinked twice and I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. That's why it felt so funny grabbing his hand. His mouth on his hand stuck out his tongue, "I'm Deidara un." I turned my head to look at the BLUE man sitting next to me. "… My name is Kisame." He had a shy tone. The next one was a man with red hair and flawless skin. His glazed eyes burned with life. "My name is Sasori." The leader nodded and said, "that's every one…. Sadly one of our members couldn't make it, meeting is finished."

People started to leave left and right. An odd sound came from my stomach. A deep growl that sent a shiver down Kisame's, and Deidara's spine they looked at me like I just slaughtered something. I pointed to my stomach. "It wants food."

Deidara and Kisame looked worried… "Well in other words I am hungry." I stood up. "Are there any rules for eating anything?" Deidara shook his head. "No, you can eat what you want when you want." The thought of eating when and what I wanted was a joy for me, my stomach replied to that in a gurgle. Kisame said in a shaky voice, "what do you want to eat." I knew that I scared him because of what I was, I knew all the signs of it and this was one. I played along as if I wasn't offended for his sake. "Any thing really. I haven't eaten in five days." Both of them looked wide-eyed in shock. Deidara was the first to speak. "And you didn't tell me this!" I sheepishly grinned, "well I didn't want to impose or anything. So I thought if you had an eating time or something I could wait until then." I rubbed the back of my head.

Kisame, Deidara and I went to the kitchen and grabbed apples. I had a habit of cutting them before I ate them. I asked for a knife. Both of them looked at each other and Deidara silently agreed that I should have a knife to use. I cut my apples just fine until I went for the last cut. It slightly got me, about the size of a needlepoint of blood came out of my finger. it was so red against my pale skin. Kisame's face wrinkled in confusion. I stuck my finger in my mouth and said, "Hope no one is a vampire here." Deidara laughed and said "why?" Kisame's opened his mouth and spoke, "Shienna, did you cut yourself." I looked confused, "only a little cut." Deidara's voice rang out like bells, "OH SHIT. HIDE HER NOW! HIDE HER BEFORE ZETZU COMES!" Kisame did as he was told and opened up a cupboard and picked me up and sat me in there. It was above the refrigerator and he needed a chare to get there. I herd a footsteps people running to the left and to the right and one coming right for the kitchen. Heavy breathing followed. I herd some one sniff the air; I was to confused to say anything. But if they had to hide me I should keep my mouth shut. I still had my finger in my mouth when I herd a scraping sound. Someone was coming right for the cupboard. I saw fingers first. They came towards my face, the doors opened to see the plant man Zetsu with blood lust written all over his face and it covered his eyes. His hands trembled as he went to pull me out. I was scared, I didn't know what he was going to do to me. Most likely he was going to kill me. But then after that what next, and why? His stone cold grasp fell upon me. I couldn't scream. I could only make out what appeared to be gasps for air. I shoved myself deeper and deeper into the cupboard. In a jagged vicious voice he hissed, "You cant hide or run away from Me." like a scared kitten in a corner I pulled out a kunai. "I- I don't want to hurt you, we are… somewhat of a team." It didn't look like he was listening. I pulled at his hand but he didn't let go. Finally I had enough, and gripped the kunai and stabbed his hand. He gave out a horrid screech that was attempting to be a scream. He moved to quickly to see if he bleeds green or not. He through the kunai down and ran away somewhere… lurking.

I shut the doors hopping that he wouldn't come back. I heard two sets of footsteps coming my way. I still didn't know who they where when they opened up the cupboard. The man with white hair shot a surprised look and questionability asked, "what are you doing here." Breathlessly I said, "man, black, white, plant, blood lust." My gold eyes turn a dark bronze in the shadows while my shaggy, wavy hair was in my eyes.   
he sighed and grabbed my arm right where Zetsu grabbed it, I flinched. But I eased up when he started to say, "it's all right, you can come out." his eyes where soft and comforting. As soon as I was out I looked left to right looking for the vicious plant man. He put a hand on my shoulder, "it's ok. He locked himself up in his room… by the way, what did you do to him to have himself locked up?" I started to tremble. And had to grip the refrigerator. "He was going to KILL me. I had to do something to stay alive… so to defend myself I pulled out a kunai" I looked at it laying there on the floor. Hidan gave me a smirk; "I don't think he is going to bother you for quite sometime." I let out a nervous laugh. "I don't want him to hate me… but I don't want him to kill me either."

Hidan was thinking.

"Well best thing to do now is stay out of his sight for a while. That wont be a problem now, he is locked up in his room." I tried to force a smile but the look of worry washed over my face.  
I heard footsteps coming with a heavy pant. I thought it was Zetsu. I started to panic and frantically grabbed the chair trying to get back to the spot I was before. But it was only Deidara. I was frozen when he busted through the door screaming my name. Expecting my blood allover the place and an arm here and there. But I was in one piece with all the blood drained from my face. He ran up to me hugging me tight screaming, "he didn't eat you! He didn't eat you!" Kisame walked through the door muttering, "Deidara, what a coward you are. Leaving a woman like that." Hidan and Kakuzu looked confused on what just happened. I slightly blushed but my face remained pale. He let go and apologized, "I am really sorry Shienna-san. I shouldn't have left you."

"It's ok. I could have handled it if you weren't here and if I wasn't hidden away in a closet." He pulled back and looked at me with a solemn face, "it was all my fault." My face looked cross, "I would have been ok, but I thank you for being so concerned." His face still looked sorry. He opened up his mouth but just when he did my stomach gave a furious growl. Every one backed up in fear.

"So this makes this day six without any food?"

Every one looked at my wide-eyed except Deidara. Well, would you all like to join me in lunch?

There was a jumble of ok and sure as we all sat down snacking on apples. My hand with fishnet was in most use, picking up apple chunks after apple chunks.


	7. Dinner: A moonlight butterfly

After we ate all the apples, everyone was full. Some waddled out of the room while Deidara and Kisame still sat next to me. I was working on my last piece of apple, staring blankly out into space, thinking about Zetsu. Why he wanted to eat me.

Deidara waved a hand in front of my face. "Shienna- san? Shienna-san?" I blinked twice and turned my head.

"Huh?" He smiled slightly.

"You kinda left for a moment." My eyes where still glazed with thought.

"Oh, sorry..." I mumbled, I still wasn't _all there. _I looked over at Kisame and he was doing the same thing, I left him be because I knew that thinking about things relieved stress for some people.

My head hurt slightly putting a hand and rubbing the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger I closed my eyes and sighed.  
"Is there anything wrong, Shienna-san?" My eyes slightly opened.

"I'm still shaken from the Zetsu episode." I sighed once more. Deidara's eyes were mixed with anger and concern. The two where dancing together in flutters and shocks.

"He didn't hurt you...did he" I laughed dryly.

"I hurt him more than he hurt me."

"If he did as much as lay a finger on you--" I interrupted him.

"Too late. He tried to pull me out of the cupboard, but failed." I sighed; He was just about to open his mouth to speak when Kisame looked over towards us, now putting his say in the conversation.

"I don't think we should have left her," He said coolly. Deidara's voice seemed to have a sorrowful edge to it.

"I know. But I am too much of a coward to stand up to Zetsu."

"Well, you shouldn't be. After all, Shienna-san fought him off." I had to put my say into this, I couldn't stand it. It made me look so helpless.

"It's okay," I finally said, "I have been through much worse. Where I have been harmed and left to die. But look at me, I am as right as rain..." My voice trailed off. I didn't want to speak of the past. My stomach grumbled in frustration. I pointed to my gut again.

"It's still hungry." I laughed. This laugh was full of humor because both Deidara and Kisame's faces twisted in worry. Deidara got up.

"Is there anything you really want to eat?" I sighed and got up.

"You two are too kind… and I thought this was 'an evil organization,'" I said playfully.

"I'll cook, I know how."

I moved between the refrigerator and Deidara, pulling out some chicken and teriyaki sauce. "Rice maker?" I said questionably. Deidara pulled out the rice maker and plugged it in.

"Thanks," I said sincerely.

I got the rice ready, it would take about a half hour before it would be done. I boiled the chicken and chopped it up after it was cooked. _Careful, not to cut my finger again_, I put the chicken in a stir fry pan, adding teriyaki sauce. As soon as I was getting ready to give the food to my new acquaintances the red haired man came in.

In his smooth voice he said, "I was driven into this room by the wonderful smell of food."

I motioned him to sit.

"And it's almost done too," I said, thinking about how much I needed to divided it and how much I wanted was a stretch.

But I made it all work out, as long as other people didn't come in 'driven in by the smell of food.' I took four plates out along with chopsticks. I scooped out the rice and the chicken and it was ready to serve. They didn't take a long time to clear their plates along with me. My stomach gurgled in delight. It was the first REAL meal I had in some while. Stealing raw food wasn't my cup of tea. It was getting late.

"Hey Deidara… now being a member, do I get a room?" He smiled a crooked smile.

"Yeah. It's the one next to mine. The leader got it ready for you when he sent me to go get you."

"I need to wash up.. So after that, would you show me?" He put his hand in the air. His mouth smiled.

"There is no need for you to dishes. I'll do them." I felt guilty, but I gave in. I was tired.

"If you say so." He led me to a room right next door. Just like he said.

"I have some stuff I need to get out of your room really fast." He shrugged.

"Okay, I am going to clean up." I grabbed my sword, my mask, and goggles. I grabbed my bag full of supplies, and headed to the room next to his. This was now my room. My very own room. I laid my stuff down next to me, and grabbed a bottle of ink. It had a green label on it telling me this ink bottle didn't have chakra. I formed my chakra into a small ball and mixed it with the ink, shoving it into the bottle and putting the cap on, then started shaking it. I did this to all of the ink bottles until all of them had a purple label on them, now telling me that they all had chakra in them. One of them would work for ten scrolls. I had twenty-four bottles, I needed more scrolls.

Bored, I took a scroll out and started to paint on it. Making squiggle marks on it, and in the center I drew a butterfly on it. I have only seen a butterfly once, remembering other children draw them. I sealed it then waited. I made the hand signs of Dragon, Tiger, Ram, and Dog. Opening up the scroll out came a butterfly. With much grace it settled on my finger, slightly comforting me. My chakra had been slightly drained from putting so much into the ink. It danced around me with joy. I knew that it couldn't have emotions, and I could control its actions. It would only last for a while until it faded into nothing, and I would be alone again. It came across the window, ghost pale. It looked like it could match the moon in color. It was a waxing gibbous, large and pale. I heard a knock at the door I slowly turned around and called, "Come in." the door slowly opened and I saw Kisame come in and sit on the bed next to me. Spellbound by the lovely butterfly, it danced around him and landed on his headband on top of his head. I smiled only for a little while until he began to speak.

"So...this is what you can do?" I looked at him, a little embarrassed.

"Yeah. I can make more than butterflies, but… sometimes I just make them because I am lonely." I sighed. He closed his eyes.

"I can feel your chakara in this little fellow. It is comforting." He took in a deep breath and exhaled. I was in a mellow mood.

"Did you come in to tell me something?" He opened up his eye.

"nah, I just thought that you might want some company." I vaguely smiled.

"Thanks. It is lonely sometimes." He laid himself on the bed with the butterfly still on his forehead.

"It looks brighter, now that you've come here."

"Hmm," I said, I wasn't very interested in what he said.

"And I do want to say I am sorry… for being like that in the beginning. I know how it feels to be shunned because your different." He raised a blue hand into the moonlight.

"Your words…. It was some of a comfort to me, you know how it is to have people hate you, and to shun you." My eyes were soft now. Looking at him and sharing empathy was something that I wanted to do with any one. I opened my mouth to say something, but just when I was starting to speak, Deidara came in the room, and shot Kisame a dirty look. His dirty look faded when he saw a butterfly crawling down the bridge of Kisame's nose.

"So this is what you can do." I gave a crooked smile and shrugged.

"Nothing much." He grinned at me.

"Kisame, it's late. So you might want to let her sleep."

He sighed and said, "Okay, we will leave together. Isn't that right, Deidara?" Deidara's face twisted in a mischievous smile, it was slow for a moment until my butterfly started to flutter, and then disappear into thin air. Kisame got up and headed out the door with Deidara. Kisame and Deidara said in unison, "Good night, Shienna-san," Like it was all planned out. They gave each other a puzzled look but then broke out laughing and shut the door behind them.

I put more of my chakra into some of the bottles. Half of them where yellow, while the other half where purple. Completely drained of all chakra, I covered myself up with a blanket, and curled up. Looking out the window, I drifted into a black and white dream.


	8. Nightmares have found me

Dream:

It was black and white. There was a clean scent to everything. I was in my home village, everything was like that day. I saw myself, fragile and frightened, with a bundle on my back, huddled, and crying. My voice was hoarse from screaming, but I screamed one last time.

"Someone please help!" It rung in the air with a bitter smell of blood and the dry smell of smoke. The only thing that was in color was the fire and the blood.

-Out of the dream-

Deidara shot up when he heard the words "Someone please help." It cut through his sleep like a knife through flesh. There were only two things that Deidara would think that would make me scream.

Number one: I was being raped

Number two: Zetsu was trying to eat me again.

Either way, he rushed into the room only to see me laying there, huddled together looking like I was trying to hold myself together from exploding, with **tears** on my face. Quickly he ran to my side, and sat down, putting my head in his lap, gently trying to wake me up and petting my head. I would not budge from my sleep.

-Back in the dream-

I was screaming too. All I could do was huddle alone. I couldn't move all I wanted to... I was frozen in fear. I whispered, "Not today. Why does it have to be today?" Crying, I felt something watching me. I looked up to see a man in a dark maroon and black. I was about to scream but I just couldn't. He was coming closer, and closer. Finally he put a hand on my shoulder. With a twisted grin he said, "Searching finally lead me to you." I was frightened. I trembled and whispered out the words, "What do you want with me? Who are you?" he pulled out a kunai and put it up to my throat. "If you will oh-so kindly cooperate with me, give me all of your power, everything that brings you energy... Give it all to me, and I might set you free."

My eyes glazed in fear, he could see that I was frightened; it was an advantage for him. He moved the white hair out of my eyes, now looking even more pleased with himself.

Shakily I said, "I can't give it to you." his face twisted up looking at me like I was repulsive, "why not?"

"Because I cant." My vision was cloudy I was crying again. Only the fire, blood and the man where in color. I wanted to disappear.

He pushed the kunai against my skin then I could feel blood trickle out of my neck, in fear and in pain I screamed.

"We can work things out," He said morbidly.

-Out of the dream-

It seamed like I have drawn a crowd. Kisame, Itachi, Sasori, Hidan, and the leader where there. They where all interested in what I had to spill out.

What had drawn them there was a scream. It was extremely loud and woke them up. They all explode through the door in a blind panic. Deidara had explained what I said to them. They all tried to wake me up, but failed.

-In the dream-

I was so frightened that I couldn't speak.

He mumbled lowly, "You look nothing like your parents."

I wanted to run, but I couldn't.

He took some of my blood and put it on a strand of my hair playfully.

"So why is it that I can't have your power?"

I choked out, "You just cant have it." He angrily attempted to thrust the kunai more but I fell to my knees. He grabbed my hair to support me. I made a whining sound mixed with a gasp. Attempting to thrust the kunai into my throat I was able to stop him by holding it back with my hands. He chuckled.

"Silly girl, you're going to bleed to death."

-Out of the dream-

My face grew pale. Everyone started to worry. Finally Itachi spoke.

"Never have I seen someone in that much pain while sleeping… even though I see people all the time in pain. I am not even the one doing this." Kisame shot him a dirty look.

"Something must be terribly wrong," Itachi said.

Deidara said sarcastically, "You think?"

Hidan silently left the room.

-In the dream-

I was just about to scream for help when he had abruptly thrown me down. I was still trembling.

I started to black out, I really thought I was dying. Everything was cold for a moment... then it was ice.

-Out of the dream-

I saw five concerned faces looking down at me, one with a bucket. And I found that I was soaked to the core. My head was in Deidara's lap, and I could feel that my face was drained of blood. And more water came from somewhere. I finally figured out that I was crying.

Sasori, in his glass smooth voice with a very concerned tone, said, "Shienna-san, what happened." I was in total shock. I really didn't know how to explain it so I just said a jumble of words and hoped that they made sense.

"It was… a bad dream. It was from my childhood...with a man." I couldn't speak any more. I was trembling, but then I felt someone's arms wrap around me. It was Deidara's arms. I stopped crying and only shivered some. I spoke again trying not to blush and tried to breathe, "He was the one who killed my parents. He was right about to kill me." all of there faces where confused. "He said he found me." Itachi's eyes suddenly danced in interest.

"I have heard of such things. It's a genjutsu, it is able to find you and torture you in your sleep." My eyes slightly widened in surprise. I whispered out the words, "So he has found me?" Itachi's face scrunched up and he was thinking, trying to remember something.

"Well, not exactly. He has found you in your sleep. So he can continue what he is doing. An advantage, is that he can't really find you. The disadvantage is that it's slowly killing you." solemnly I nodded. Deidara's grip tightened.

The room was growing lighter and lighter and the sun was coming up. I was 'okay' for now. "Well there is no point of going back to sleep. Plus he would just harm me more if I slept more." My face was soft when I spoke, then I shyly added, "And thanks for coming to wake me up."

They all left the room awkwardly. I wondered why, but then I felt Deidara's arms around me. I petted the side of his face that was covered in hair just because I felt like it. His eyes snapped open.

"You can let go now," He was now blushing a deep red and quickly let go. It was cold in the house, with Deidara's warmth slipping from me I started to shiver. Mumbling, things again on how I hated the cold. Deidara said in what seemed to be an innocent tone of voice, "You'll need to get dry. So you can use some of my old clothes." Thinking about doing ANYthing that would leave piece of skin exposed with a house full of men sent my hair on the back of my neck standing on end. To not offend him, I slowly thought for a moment.

"Okay, but wouldn't they be a tad bit big for me?"

"Well, you could use Sasori's clothes if he doesn't mind." I really had no choice. I could stay cold, get sick and DIE. Or, take up Deidara's offer and use his clothes. Reluctantly I said, "Okay, okay... I'll use your clothes." I sighed, irritated, but Deidara didn't seem to mind. He randomly grabbed a shirt and pants and gave them to me.

"Here you go Shienna-san." I nodded my head "thank you." He smiled, smiled **big**. I was worried about that smile but I pushed those thoughts aside and walked to my room. I made preparations. I put scrolls with out ink on the window and covering the door openings. Like the keyhole, under the door and on the top of the door, completely sealing it off from everything. Musing to myself said with a sigh, "hope no one can see through walls." With that I quickly undressed and dressed in Deidara's clothes. His clothes were warm, and they smelled good. I took down all the scrolls from the windows and doors and exited the room. Deidara was waiting patiently for me.

"You look just like me, un!" I laughed and smiled for real this time. The biggest smile that I have ever remembered feeling. It felt good to laugh and smile again. Calming down I walked with him to the living room.


	9. Easy come Easy go

Deidara and I went into the living room, where almost every member was sitting somewhere doing something. Hidan and Kakuzu were arguing about something, while Sasori, Itachi, and Kisame where playing a card game. Pein and Zetsu were nowhere to be found.

Deidara walked over towards the group of people playing cards. Kisame's face was in a scowl, we could all tell that he was losing because both Itachi and Sasori's faces were smooth without emotions. Deidara was going to attempt to change the outlook on the game, playfully whispering to Kisame what to do. At first he looked annoyed but his face soon turned to a mysterious grin, but quickly faded. I really didn't know what to do; I was bored out of my mind. I was just about to go back into my room to sketch when I herd angry yells and taunting snickers.

"You don't play fair Itachi!"

Kisame's voice was coarse and angry. Both Itachi and Sasori laughed and put down their cards.

I stopped and realized that I would need paper and ink to draw; I didn't want to use my good ink and scrolls. So I sighed and walked over to the ruckus at the card table. Kisame was a maroon color. I didn't know if he was blushing or holding his breath.

I didn't want to go up and be all-soft like just so soon and say, "It's okay, you'll win next time," Or "You did your best."

Even though that was what I would want to hear... if I didn't lose that bad. But this, he was furious.

He muttered under his breath, "Damn, there goes 1,000 yen from my pocket."

They were gambling. For a moment I just thought that they where playing for fun.

Kisame looked at me and wallowed in misery as his face fell.

"She saw me lose too…" Deidara grinned and nodded.

His face fell even more. Maybe he was trying to impress me. I was just about to turn to leave when Sasori called out to me.

"Hey Shienna-san, you know how to play?"

I turned around and said, "What game?"

Yet again he said flawlessly, "Koi-koi."

I gave a sad smile and quietly said, "The matching game…"

He nodded his head.

"And just to make it fun, we play for money."

I gave out a happy, "Hm" but my interest declined.

"I don't even have a five yen coin to my name." Something told me that everyone wanted me to play.

"Here, I have some coins you could use." Deidara said. I had a flood of memories of watching children play this game for items. The clank of the coins made them so vivid. I didn't want to make it like no one was in there, no one home in my head. So I snapped out of it and shrugged my shoulders. "Well, I guess I could play a game or two. For warning, I am not really good at games."

For the first time Sasori gave a smile. He offered me a seat between him and Deidara. Kisame and Itachi were still there.

The game had begun, Deidara handed me the money and we all put it in a "pot." The winner would get all the money when the game was over and someone won.

Sasori flipped a card over. It had a beautiful cherry blossom tree on the front of it, all alone in the sea of green backed cards. Warily he flipped another card. It was a card with a deer on it. He snapped his fingers and flipped them both over.

It was Itachi's turn next. I could see his sharingan working, _he was cheating._ But hey, this WAS an evil organization. He flipped over two bird cards and took them.

After some while Itachi and I where tied. All I needed was one more pair before I won. If Deidara picked up two of the four cards that where left I would have won. Everyone was holding their breath. Finally Deidara decided that he was going to pick the two cards next to each other. I knew where the matches were, I knew it and I was just about to explode and scream where they where but I bit down on my tongue. He was taking his own sweet time turning them over. It was over in seconds. As soon as he picked them up I flipped both of them over. A wonderful match it was, two wolves with gold eyes, penetrating the very soul of me. Smiling, I picked them up and put them in my pile.

Calmly Sasori said, "Please count your cards in pairs." I counted mine twice then we went around saying how many we had. I was right, Itachi was off by one pair. I couldn't help but giving a small smile. Itachi looked annoyed.

"And I thought you said that you weren't very good at games."

I shrugged my shoulders, "It was pure luck."

They all shoved their money to me and by that time I had a lot of coins. I sighed and took them all. I didn't want to boast or gloat, I just wanted to go out and buy something really quick.

I looked over to Deidara, "You mind if you watch this really fast? I need to put this in my pouch." He smiled and nodded.

"Sure thing Shienna-san." I went to my room and found one of my empty pouches that used to hold my inks and came back to the table where my money was all neatly stacked up with Kakuzu looming over it. I didn't pay much mind on what he was doing, all I thought was he was stacking it and counting it for me, but I was wrong.

His eyes looked shocked when I stood next to him. Deidara and every one else was chatting, their backs turned away from my money.

He made a "hmm" sound. I tilted my head to the side.

He mischievously said, "Boy, Shienna-san. You sure know how to get your cash."

I replied in a dull tone, "It wasn't that hard, all I had to do was focus." He looked interested he turned and left taking twenty coins from the stack. Murmuring to my self, sighing when the words came out, "Easy come easy go."

Deidara caught what I said and what Kakuzu did and sent out a little speck of white after him. He made a hand sign and laughed when there was a small explosion. Kakuzu yelped in pain because it was right on his hand, quickly letting go of the money and glaring at Deidara, who was now picking up the coins. He had two stacked on each finger laughing and holding out his hands to me. I laughed also.

"Thanks," I said, taking them gently from him and putting them in a pouch, along with the rest of them. He rubbed the back of his head.

"No problem, Shienna-san."


	10. this or that

I put the money back in my room under my bed then coming back sighing and sitting down. I plopped down in a chair back at the card table. Deidara was looking at Sasori, more like glairing, while Sasori was just as happy as pie. His eyes told me that he was going to have a "chat" with me. I was preparing myself for hard to answer questions just in case.

He sat down in front of me and opened his mouth to speak.

"I was wondering Shienna-san… what is your view on art?"

I was puzzled. I really didn't know how to answer. Was this a trick question? Yes? No?

Deidara's glair was growing even more furious at Sasori. It looked like he could burn a hole in his head by looking at him like that. I thought for a while.

"Well, I really do like photography."  
Sasori's face twisted up in a smile while Deidara's face fell some.

"is it because it is long lasting?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Well, I like it because it dose last long and you can keep it until it's lost. But for the most part is that one moment that could have been gone in a moment's time. Caught just right in the moment, and it would never be the same… ever."

Deidara's frown **turned upside-down**. He looked content, both Sasori and Deidara where at peace. I was confused on why Deidara was so angry then why Sasori was so happy.

I turned what Sasori said around, "what do you think of art?"

His grin was colossal, "I think that art should be eternal beauty. Something that should last for a life time."

Deidara frowned and spoke, "I think that art should only last for a while. You should enjoy it while it lasts. Until it ends with a bang."

It was a simple question turned into a head game full of land mines and explosive language. Both of them where swearing at each other and saying things about each other's opinions. I couldn't stand it when people where fighting with words. Finally I was just about to say something until a friendly blue man spoke before I could open my mouth.

"I think your making Shienna-san angry… just look at her eyes." he shivered playfully "they look like they can kill the both of you!"

I suddenly busted out in laughter then tapered off into a quiet snicker.

"Well I was going to say both of you have your own preferences and ethics and you should respect what each other says."

Strangely both of them looked embarrassed. Muttering apologies to each other.

Pein suddenly came into the room.

"Shienna-san would you please come over here?"

I felt like I did when I had to talk; that rock feeling in my gut came back to me. I thought I was in some trouble, scouring my mind trying to remember what or if I did something wrong. Was this about Zetsu? Was it about cooking? My head spun when I got up and quietly came towards him.

I found that he wasn't alone; there was another member next to him.

Mischievous smile. He held out his hand gesturing to the member.

"This is Konan, another female member."

The woman took off her hat to reveal a beautiful face, periwinkleish blue hair, with lovely blue eyes.

We both bowed politely and sat down at the card table talking and getting to know each other.

Playfully leader said in a singsong voice, "Members I'm home."

The I heard a door creak open then quietly click shut. Light footsteps came after that. The smell of a pine tree filled the air; it smelled like we were outside. It was uncomfortable because I knew this sent, not from being out side in the wilderness, but being chased by the wilderness itself in the flesh. Zetsu came in shyly sitting down next to Konan. Their eyes met in a gaze so powerful nothing could break it.

It looked like they would die with out each other. Could they be lovers, or just friends? I would never know. Konan's origami rose and Zest's Venus-Flytrap-thing on his head went hand and hand.

I was still light of my feet just if he decided to take a snap at me I would be able to dodge it, but something told me that he was harmless at this time. Maybe it was the kind look in his eyes.

Konan looked at Zetsu and said, "what day is it today?"

Zetsu bashfully said, "It's a white day."

I was lost by the white day thing.

Konan looked worried and politely said, "Will you please excuse me? I would like to talk to Zetsu for a moment, alone."

I nodded my head. "Sure, sure"

Both of them left, I didn't really want to follow, plus she said, "alone." So I didn't bother getting up or moving. I folded my arms and put my head on them. I felt a presents next to me so I lifted my head and looked next to me. Deidara was there next to me.

"I am really bored…" he said  
"yeah me too." I replied.

"What do you want to do?" he said tilting his head to the side.

"I was hoping that we could go out, since I have a little money in my pocket I might as well spend it."

He was thinking about what I said, I wondered if it broke the rules to go out.

"Well I'll ask leader." He gave a crooked smile; I couldn't help but to smile back.

He walked over to leader who was sitting down on the couch, talking with his hands a lot. Then the leader nodded his head and moved his mouth, I couldn't hear what they were saying because Hidan and Kakuzu started fighting about something again.  
Deidara came back with a smile plastered on his face.

"He said yes." He put his index finger to his cheek. "Hm, how about konaha?"

I lost some enthusiasm when he said konaha.

"I don't know… people know me there. And going back, people might…"

"I don't think it could be that bad."

I frowned "if anything goes wrong… then I am going to be wanted again."

He sighed, "I will be fine Shienna-san."

Reluctantly saying, "ok, ok… I'll go."

I gave him a thumbs up and laughed, "where too?"

I sighed and said, "Can I change and get my money first?"

"Ok, I'll be waiting out front."  
I quickly got dressed in my cloths and looked in the mirror. I was really going to go to konaha. Every little thought was screaming. "What if you find some one who knows you?" "What if someone reports you?" "Who will follow you to claim my bounty?"

All of this and more followed me out the door. Deidara had a bird ready for flight. My cloths were warm now. They where laying out in the windowsill drying, now warm against my flesh. The bitter cold wind made my hair flutter like ribbon in the wind.

"With it being so c-cold, do you think that we should where our cloaks hmm?" Deidara said while his teeth where chattering

"n-no, don't they know who we are?" I said shakily, I thought my voice was going to be lost in the wind but Deidara caught it.

"Well what should we do?" he asked through his teeth.

"Well why don't we turn them inside out?" I said, trying to sound optimistic.

"Good idea Shienna-san." Deidara gave me a crocked smile and put on his cloak inside out, so did I.

We could see konaha and we needed to land soon, so that they wouldn't suspect us. We landed in the forest just outside of the gates. Deidara shrunk his bird and put it back into his pocket. We could almost see the gate but then I stopped.

"Deidara-san."

"Un?"

"Where your headband just like mine."

"What? Why for?"

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe he asked that.

"Because of your slash mark smart one."

He let out a soft ohhh, he laughed at himself and moved it down like a necklace.

"Let's get fancy." I said trying to be smart.

"You should let your hair down so that if people have seen you from before they wouldn't recognize you."

He let out another laugh.

"Shienna-san, your so smart." He let out his hair and flicked it like a preppy girl.

I laughed, "nah, not really. I had to hunt down missing ninjas so I know a lot of the tricks."

His eyes lost the bliss that was once there.

"Don't worry."

I took out my headband and pointed to it. The metal was a foggy gray and a forest green, reflecting the world around it. I ran my finger accost the slash mark.

"See, this means that I'm not coming back to there, or konaha to be allies with them."

Half of the bliss seamed to come back to his eyes. He traced his slash mark on his headband and smiled.

"Ok, well we better go before it gets dark." I said looking up at the sky. A bitter cold wind cut through us pushing us towards konaha but not moving a step.

"Ok. You lead the way."

The hair on my neck stood up. I was actually going to konaha. I really hoped that no one saw me.


	11. Sight

We walked into town, everyone thought that we where just travelers. Quickly I went in and out of an art store, paying for two pencils and a tablet that would last me for a while...hopefully. It had about a hundred pages, two hundred if I used the backs of them.

Deidara was waiting for me outside.

"Why don't we go to the Ramen shop?" I glared at him. "You know how many people I know that go there every night?"

He raised his hands and nervously said, "Sorry Sh-" I stopped him with my hand front of his mouth; I saw some ninjas I knew.

I hissed in his ear, "Shhhh."

I whispered some more into his ear but it was not as harsh. Gingerly I said, "I'll treat you out to some dumplings. There, it's too much of a risk."

He sighed, "Your right… boy, you sure sound an awful lot like Sasori."

I felt bad for jumping all over him for making a simple suggestion. We were close by the dumpling shop; I bought a lot for the ride home. When we were leaving the shop and going towards the gate I heard someone's faint voice whisper my name.

"S-Shienna?"

When I heard my name I felt all the blood slink from my face. I turned pure white, as white as my hair. My gold eyes where open wide in horror. Deidara looked at me funny. I slowly turned around to see a shocked face with thick eyebrows and a green jumpsuit on. He had grown taller from the last time I saw him.

"H- how d-did you know it w-was me?" I choked out in a whisper. He came running at full speed. I couldn't see him, and in seconds I was wrapped in a tight bone-crushing hug. I couldn't breath. Some one as strong as him surely could crush me without effort if he wasn't too careful.

"Le-" He, babbling on about how much he missed me, and how much Konoha missed me, cut me off.

"I thought I would never see you again!" He took a deep breath to say another mouth full of words. "Everyone would be so happy to see you again! They went out looking for you for months and they never found you. Wait until Gai Sensei hears about this!" He was so happy. I never knew that people missed me like that. I was still in shock. I felt his arms tighten around me then suddenly I felt them being lifted off of me. Deidara was holding Lee's arms. Lee looked so awestruck.

"Y-you look just like Ino-chan!" Deidara looked like he could explode right then and there. He was deeply offended because he knew that Ino was a girl's name. I told my legs to run but they wouldn't move. I finally snapped back to reality when Lee was yelling at Deidara

"Let me go, girly man!" Deidara picked him up by the back of his jumpsuit and started to yell at him.

FINALLY I could feel my legs and held my notebook and dumplings tight against my chest. I turned and walked faster than normal, then took off in a dead run. I heard both Deidara and Lee call out to me to come back. I knew this was going to happen, so I went back to the paper smooth bird and sat down catching my breath. It was about fifteen minutes later when Deidara came into view jogging towards me.

Panting he said, "What happened Shienna-san? You froze up and ran." My eyes looked like a deep endless bronze reflecting in the twilight sky.

"I knew this was going to happen. I knew that one of them would find me." He got onto the bird and grabbed my hand.

"Everything will be fine, you're safe with me."

I muttered under my breath, "Now since they know that I am alive, they will start to look for me again." Deidara sighed.

"It will be okay." I knew that I was going to be in for a long speech, so to prevent it before he could speak any more, I pulled out a dumpling.

"Eat up, it's going to be a long flight back," I said playfully, trying to move on to another subject. He laughed at me and my efforts and let the subject pass, hungrily seizing the dumpling. Slowly eating the dumplings I thought for a while about my past with Konoha. How no one really wanted to talk to me, now Lee almost killing me in a crushing hug.  
I wondered if everyone would do the same, bringing me back with open arms like that. I didn't think so, but things where uncertain, so anything could happen. I bit into another dumpling, staring off into space, when suddenly Deidara's hand waved in front of my face. I could hear noise like someone was speaking but I just couldn't put the noise into words. Slowly I made out, "Shienna-san, we are almost home. Shienna-san you there?" I blinked twice and looked up at him.

"I thought I lost you. Where were you?" I laughed at the thought of him mentally losing me.

"I was in another time. Another place."

"Hm. Well we are almost home, so get ready for landing." We both smiled at each other. For the first time since we left I felt the cutting cold. There were only two dumplings left. I grabbed one and stuck out my hand towards Deidara. He took it and I took mine. It was lukewarm but it was still edible. I grabbed my sketchbook and waited for my stomach to drop as we came in for landing. We opened the doors to find people laying on the couch and people playing cards.

Deidara was the first to walk in, me following after still holding onto my tablet and pencil. With a flash of blue what looked like a boy grabbed a hold of Deidara's leg shouting "WELCOME HOME DEIDARA-SEMPAI!"

Deidara annoyed shook his leg trying to get the kid off of his leg.

The boy landed with an "oomph."

Deidara looked just as annoyed as when lee called him Ino-chan. His eyes flickered over to the boy with an orange mask then over to me and cleared his throat.

"Shienna-san, this is Tobi." He looked over to the boy, still annoyed, "Tobi, this is Shienna-san."

The boy named Tobi moved his head to the side, "Deidara-sempai, is this your girlfriend?"

Deidara flushed a ferocious red, either from embarrassment or anger. He was just about to open his mouth when I put my hand on his shoulder, attempting to calm him down.

I bent down eyelevel to him and was face to face with the orange masked child.

"Nope, I am Deidara-sempai's friend." I gently poked the tip of his nose and laughed. He laughed as well. My joints gave a crackle as I stood up and turned to Deidara.

"is he a member of the organization?"

He was still annoyed, "No, but we let him here anyways because he is "valuable" to us. He knows how to extract demons." My face lost the smile that was there. I managed to murmur out an "oh." Deidara lost interest in our conversation and went to join the people playing cards. I took my sketchbook and sat in the corner, drawing Deidara, having a good time. Then I went off to Konan. Her skin was a paper white so it almost matched the paper that I was drawing on. If only I had color. I sighed, I wanted stuff and I have the money, but it wasn't safe to go out. Especially when people knew I was still alive.

I took to drawing every one that was in the room. It was just like a photo, but in slapdash shape. It was sketchy but I worked around that.

It was Zetsu's turn to be drawn. I couldn't draw the blood lust in Zetsu's eyes; I couldn't put my thumb on how I could draw it. I erased his face and drew a different kind of lust, a loving lust that couldn't brake. It was the face I saw whenever he looked at Konan.

It was after two hours when people started to shuffle to their rooms. I was still in the corner, I heard someone's footsteps coming closer and closer. Kisame looked down at me as soon as I flipped the page.

"Is this what you desperately needed from Konoha?" He furrowed his brow.

"Yeah." I gave a sheepish laugh. "I was bored out of my mind and I didn't want to gamble all my money away, or have it stolen by an individual." I looked suspiciously over to Kakuzu. He laughed and sat by me in the corner.

"Can I see what you have drawn so far?" I nodded my head, shut the sketchbook and gave it to him. He flipped through the pages, studying each and every drawing carefully. He finally got to the drawing of him. He studied it; he couldn't take his eyes off of it.

"Wow… this is really good," He murmured.

I twiddled my thumbs and smiled. When I had nothing to do I became "ADD." Most the time I would rock back and forth or mess with my hands, making up handshakes with myself, or drumming my fingers on something. But this time I was somewhat still, very unlike me.

He flipped the page to Zetsu, studying his expression. His profile view was a work of art also. Zetsu had his hand where his cheek should be; it was slightly indenting the side of his flytrap headpiece. He scrunched up his face.

"Did you make this expression up for Zetsu?"

I didn't know if I should tell him about the way Zetsu looked at Konan. I stuttered out, "Y-yeah."

"It doesn't really fit him, but hey, whatever floats your boat."

From the corner to the empty card table we sat and talked about my art. Soon Deidara and Sasori came over when they heard the word, "art."

Sasori gently took the book from Kisame and flipped through the pages. He flipped to the one of himself.

"Wow, this does look like a photo…. I like this one the best."

Every one liked the one of themselves, every time. It happened with Deidara also.

"No, Sasori-dana, this one is the best."

He pointed to the one of himself, his eyes where half closed and his mouth was halfway parted, he was smiling and laughing at the same time.

Every one was happy and laughing, I just couldn't fit in the mood, I was tired, and I knew if I went to sleep that man would come for me and plan to finish what he started. I folded my arms on the table and set my head down.


	12. Talking

There was hand placed on my sholder.

"Sheinna-san, wake up."

I grown.

"Not now, I am sleeping."

"Yes, yes I know you are, but you got to wake up."

I opened my eyes. Deidara was sitting next to me. I lifted my head and yawned.

"Time to go to bed shienna-san."

"I can't go to bed in my room, that man will find me, I don't know why but I can't fight him off. I can't do anything. If I could I would control myself to drive him away. But something numbs my senses and I am helpless. And right here I am just fine. I think he only looks for me when I am asleep in my room." My voice trailed off as the cold air sunk into my skin.

"Well you can sleep in my room."

To tired to do what I did the first night I shrugged and grabbed my pillow and blanket and happily set myself on the floor.

Deidara came in.

"shienna-san the be-"

I was already a sleep. He sighed and flopped down on his bead. He looked out his window. He had the same look as I did, it was really was quite the view. The moon was out showing a light pail gray while the stars around it shimmered with life. It was around one-o-clock. Deidara sighed and took off his cloak. He hung it up and returned to his bed. Lightly talking to myself I murmured a lot of things I wouldn't say out loud. Deidara sat and listened to what I had to say.

"why is it that I am one of the only people who have a demon sealed inside of me. Why dose it have to be me… I wonder why it bothers to talk to me, it tells me right from wrong sometimes. Other times it just tells me to slaughter every one in my path. It's to prideful, I am sick of hearing from it."

my expression was harsh like I was in a verbal fight. "Oh what's that, you don't like how I am so soft? Well it's better than scoffing and laughing at other people's mishaps. It's funny? No it isn't, just think if it happened to you. Oh well you cant say anything now, can you. Ha, see I told you. Stop that! Quit saying that it's a human thing."

By this time Deidara had to laugh. It was interesting that I was talking to my self. I stopped talking to myself and mumbled gibberish to myself. Deidara just lie there, he couldn't sleep. He was bored out of his mind, he had to do something. He had an idea; he took my sketchbook and started to draw. He tried his very best. But it didn't turn out so well. He cursed to himself then put it down next to my head. It was a drawing of me sleeping. His stomach growled to himself.

"Well I better fill it before it wakes every one up hmm."

Deidara grabbed some cereal, a bowl and milk. He was just about to put a spoon full when suddenly he heard a door open then click shut. This puzzled him. He crammed the first spoonful into his mouth and went down the hallway. The noise was coming from Deidara's room. He went in and found Zetsu next to me as a slept. Zetsu didn't look like he was about to kill me, but he was more a shamed.

"What are you doing Zetsu?"

Zetsu looked up embarrassed.

"W-well what are YOU doing here."

Deidara gave out a huff.

"Well dumb ass, if you really want to know, this is my room."

Zetsu flushed a light pink on his white side.

"W-well what is she doing in here?"

"She couldn't sleep in her room because someone is hunting her down. So I told her that she could crash here for the night."

Deidara's words where honest and smooth while Zetsu's words where drenched with embarrassment. He gently picked up the sketchbook and flipped to the page with his picture on it.

"Well I wanted to talk about this."

Deidara narrowed his eyes

"Is there a problem with her art un?"

"No, it's that I would like to privately like to talk to her about it."

"Why."

Zetsu wasn't going to budge.

"Well talk to her in the morning." Deidara said coldly.

"I- I can't…"

"Why not?!"

Zetsu was so embarrassed that his flytrap headpiece started to close up while he started to blush even more.

"Fine… I'll talk to her tomorrow." His headpiece was together so all it was was a mumble. He left the room silently.

Deidara gave out a sigh and sat on his bed with his cereal. He took a bite then gave a scowl.

"Damn it…. it's all soggy."

He ate without tasting his cereal and thought about what happened in konaha.

He finished his cereal and laid down, his eyes felt heavy. It was late at night and the air was cold around him. He sighed and closed his eyes, giving up on trying to stay awake.

I kept mumbling to myself the word why over and over. It was so quiet but it sounded loud in the small room. It was about ten o'clock. I got up and took my stuff in my room. I could feel someone watching me so I went a little faster down the hall. I got to my room and laid the blanket down on the bed, then put the pillow on the top of the bed. I heard a knock at the door. With my book in my hand I opened the door and to my surprise it was Zetsu. I thought he was going to murder me right then and there but his face… his eyes told me that it was something deep. It wasn't blood lust he was after, he was after my words.

"Uh, Good morning Zetsu."

He looked nervous. "Uh… can we talk?"

I shrugged, "sure."

We walked out the door and then outside. It was still cold but I grabbed my cloak on the way out. We where going somewhere close but in a good distance away from the hide out.

He sat down and I joined him. The grown was hard and cold but still tolerable.

He pointed to the sketchbook.

"Well… It's about that."

I gave him the book and let him look at it. He gently flipped through the pages then stopped to the one of him.

"This is what I wanted to talk about."

His finger was pointed to his soft facial expression. So much passion was in his eyes.

"Hm… is there something wrong?"

He looked embarrassed.

"W-well… you saw didn't you… you know."

"Know what?"

I was looking for a connection.

"About you and Konan?"

His face flushed a light pink.

"Yeah… I really like her, but who would love a monster like me?"

He looked down still blushing.

With a ring of sorrow in my voice I said, "your no more of a monster than I am."

He looked up, "you are not a monster. At least your human."

I thought for a while. "Well you know what I have in me. All of you know. You probably have every record of everything I have done. How many people I have killed. How many lives I have ruined. I was different, and so are you and Kisame. I may not show it on the outside, but look what I have become."

His face didn't brighten up when I said that.

Quietly I said, "Turn the page."

I helped his hand turn the page to Konan's picture.

"This is the way she looks at you… look at her eyes, can you see it?"

He blushed even more.

"Yeah… I do."

"So how could she think you're a monster?"

His face was concentrating on the drawing; he didn't say anything for a while.

He whispered, "She is so beautiful, like a delicate flower."

I gave a small smile, "turn the page back to you."

He turned the page back to himself. His face was soft.

"Now flip back and forth."

He did so and gave out a happy sigh.

"I think your right… she might not think I am a monster… but, I am way to shy to tell her."

I though about ideas on how he could tell her.

"She likes origami right?"

Zetsu looked confused, "h- how did you know."

I shrugged "it was a guess because of her hair piece."

He looked even more embarrassed. "Oh."

"Why don't you make a flower for her in origami, and write on there your feelings? A word for each flower petal. I like that, how about you?"

His face lit up and the happy look returned in his eyes, "That's a brilliant idea!"

He caught himself. "Shienna-san, I wanted you to know that…. It was a black day."

It was my turn to look confused. I mumbled in thought, "a black day?"

He looked ashamed.

"Well, when ever I smell blood, my black side of me starts to take control… and things get out of hand."

"It's ok… sometimes when I am in a fight, I just can't find it in me to stop, until they are dead."

I looked off to the side still sitting.

"No mater." I sighed.

He looked at me "you want to go back to the base."

"Probably… you can go back, I want to stay out here for a while. You go make Konan something and I'll be back to see it."

He gave a smile that showed all of his sharp teeth glittering in the sunlight like diamonds. His gold eyes looked straight into mine. I could see my face in his eyes and he could probably see his reflection in my eyes too. It was going to be a true friendship… the one thing I had a problem with

Why I really had a problem with it is because it becomes a burden when some one tries to kill me, some one always trying to be the hero when I don't want them to get into the way. Then, they are gone in a mater of seconds. Blood, screams, apologies, tears. That is all that comes from a friendship. But it was nice to have one. Nice when no one really interferes. My attachment issues didn't help either. Once I was a friend with someone it was a blood bond. They were part of my pack and me theirs one big frenzy of emotions. I enjoyed having someone to back me up, but when they are gone… it's like a thick layer of fog comes to stay until I can let go.

Our eye contact only lasted for a couple seconds before he pulled away and I gave a soft smile.

When he turned to leave I said, "See you around."

He was still walking north when he raised a hand and waved.

I didn't know what I was going to do.

I didn't care what I was going to do.

Looking up at the cold dreary sky I sighed. I started to work on my scrolls. I thought I might need them for some time later. I took one out and started to draw a ferocious wolf. I wrote down all of its moves and what it should think at the time. It was a true bloodthirsty beast. The inside of my snickered while I kept a straight face. I was having conversations with myself again.

"What's so funny" I said to myself.

"Nothing… it's just you act so nice, then pull this."

"What are you talking about Gobi?"

"You look sooo harmless that no one would expect you to pull this out, people would expect you to stick to your butterflies."

I held my head and screamed at the Gobi.

"**Damn you, why wont you shut up**!"

It kept laughing, I could commit suicide right then and there but I decided not to.

To kill it I must kill myself. I shook off that though but as soon as I thought of it, the Gobi shut up instantly.

"Shienna, don't do it."

I could feel the fear seeping through my pores coming from the Gobi.

"Well if you don't shut up I will." I muttered through gritted teeth.

I was done with one scroll and I was just about to go to the base when I hear a twig snap.

I muttered under my breath, "crap."

I looked up from my sitting position; I looked to my left then to my right. I decided that it came from the back of me. How stupid could they be? The person was in a gray robe. I picked up my scroll and started walking to the east.

The east was more of a grassy area, less things to hide behind. I didn't want to go right to the north where the base was but to lead them astray. Moving very slowly I made a scroll with a message butterfly.  
Yet again I heard the Gobi speak, "again with the stupid butterflies?"

I mumbled to myself, "shut up. I'll let him kill me."

It shut up again.

I finished and made my hand signs and opened it with a flourish and sent it on it's way to the west making it seem that the base was that way.

It said something about me coming to the base soon.

I was in the middle of the field, the grass swayed in the wind and the smell of coldness filled the air. I turned around.

It was Sasuke. I wasn't that shocked, before hand I thought it was lee.

"What do you want?"

His eyes where a glassy onyx, and shimmered in the suns light. .

"I came for my brother, rumor is that you are apart of his group."

I sighed an irritated sigh. I had known Sasuke before I went 'missing'. He was a self-centered annoying brat, who wouldn't shut up about his brother. The way he was so dedicated about finding him would make you think that he had a deep love for him. But the other side is that Itachi killed his family and made his life a living hell for him when he was little.

"Why, are you attempting to kill him again?"

He took it offensively and stiffened up. He narrowed his eyes at my rude statement.

"Yeah, what's it to you."

I snicker a little.

" I remember that one time that you did try to kill him. Out of blind hate you just ran at him. No surprise he got away, and you where yet again defected and traumatized."

I could tell that he was angry with me.

"Remember that one time that, that one man broke into your house trying to kill you." he said in a taunting voice.

"Yeah, and I kicked his ass on his way out."

His comeback was completely in shreds.

"If you don't mind I am going to go now. Go back to Orochimaru, and his little 'gang' "

I started to walk but stopped when I heard light footsteps crunching the dry grass behind me.

I sighed and made a hand sign and teleported ten feet to the south then back to the base. He was completely lost and sighed a sigh of defeat.


	13. Temper Temper

I was irritated now. I walked though the door and took off my cloak. I went into the kitchen and made some instant Ramen. Kisame and Itachi came into the room and sat down chatting about something. I was so spaced out and lost in thought that I didn't hear them until someone spoke my name.

"Shienna, where were you? You took forever, it was 10 when you left and now it's one." I grabbed some disposable chopsticks and sat down next to them.

"I was out. I would have been home sooner if someone didn't get in my way…" Both of them where shocked at my behavior. Kisame was so eager to solve my problems.

"Who was it? If it ever happens again just count on me to take care of it. It's just like a big pack, we are all family.. so to speak." Lifting up my noodles I let them cool off. Steam was rolling off of them in slithering motions then evaporated.

"It's okay Kisame, I can take care of myself… but I thank you for the offer."

"Who was it who bothered you?" Itachi asked, his tone sounded interested.

I didn't look up from my noodles and dully said, "It was Sasuke." This shot Itachi more interest.

"Where is my foolish brother now?" I yawned.

"Southeast near the clearing is where he came to bother me." The noodles where cool enough to eat so I ate peacefully while Kisame was telling me about his day. It was a boring day, other than Sasuke bothering me. Itachi left the table and coughed slightly.

"I am going to be out for a while... I'll be back by nightfall." I disposed of my Ramen mess and sat down next to Kisame, in Itachi's spot. While I was working on a scroll he said something about Konoha. My head snapped up and I was eager to hear about Konoha.

"What about Konoha?"

"Well… you were right, ninjas are now looking for you." I sighed.

"I told him… Oh well, if I jeopardize the group go ahead and hand me over." He scrunched up his face.

"Why would we do that? You are valuable to the group."

"Konoha is bound to find me out sooner or later." I sighed and went back to my scroll. Pein walked into the room and from behind me looked at my scroll. He was trying to hide his awe. It looked so real, it looked like it could pop out at any moment and rip you to shreds.

"We have a mission for you, and some other people." I slowly looked up from my scroll.

"Yes, and that would be?"

"We are running low on money so we need a group to go out and work as assassins." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Fine with me."

"Good, you will go out with a group at five in the morning tomorrow. I will give you a half hour, so at about five thirty we would leave from outside." I nodded my head while Pein left the room. I looked over to Kisame.

"Are you going on the mission?" He looked down kind of depressed and mumbled.

"No.. I can't because I 'stand out so much.'" I looked at him with sympathy.

"If it makes you feel any better… well, when I was younger I had known what isolation was. Everyone knew what I was, everyone knew because of my eyes. So even though I don't really look different, you know that I am, and that's the way it will always be. I too share that pain of being alone, and unwanted at the moment. You might have felt it more than I have, but just remember, like you said, 'we are a family.'"

"Yeah… a family."

"Maybe next time you'll get to go, there has to be more than one mission... Isn't there?" I gave him a soft sympathetic smile. His face lit up, it lit up a lot.

"Yeah! Sure as hell there are! Some missions they can't do with out me!" I gave him a thumbs up.

"I better get ready if I'm going to go on that mission." I stood up and grabbed my sketchbook. I went into my room, and drawn up more scrolls just incase if I needed them.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath. I hadn't brushed up on my sword skills lately, oh well. I would have 'plenty' of practice later. It took hours to make everything so detailed. I had made ten scrolls, plus the other one that was in my pocket. I sighed and went to my sword. All of the swirls on the side of it, all of the patterns, and the holes it had, it was 'aerodynamic'. I wrapped it in bandages to make sure that it wouldn't rip my cloak. The sun was setting; Itachi was just a silhouette in the sun's rays. His dark hair whisked in the wind while he was moving extremely smooth. I looked away from my window when my stomach gave a low angry growl. I glared at it.

"Shh! When are you ever satisfied with anything?!" Someone knocked at the door. I walked over to the door and opened it. It was Deidara standing there looking worried.

"Is anything wrong Shienna?" I shyly smiled.

"You heard me, didn't you?"

"Heh, yeah. What where you yelling at?" My stomach growled viciously at everything, I pointed to my stomach.

"That… I can never keep that thing full." We both laughed.

"I was just going to the kitchen, want to join me?"

"Sure." I nodded my head and followed Deidara into the kitchen. Hidan and Kisame where in the kitchen. From the looks of it Hidan didn't look too happy.

"You eat the SAME fucking thing EVERY DAY! Why don't you try eating something else?! My religion requires me to eat a HEALTHY balanced meal!" Kisame looked like he was dead, his upper torso was sprawled on the counter in his spot where I left him last. His eyes where focused on one object, I think it was the wall to the right of him. I was walking in next to Deidara when my stomach gave a hideous growl that echoed in the small kitchen. Hidan shut up, Kisame shot up like someone was killed, and Deidara just froze there.

"Now THAT was one hell of a growl!" Hidan laughed. I laughed along with him while Deidara and Kisame where still frozen in terror. I went to the refrigerator, mumbling.

"Food, food, food, foood, foooooood… I found it." I pulled out some leftovers from someone's dinner.

"Is anyone going to eat this?" Kisame pointed to the name, it was his.

"Nah, since Hidan wants me to _eat something healthy_ I might just eat a salad or something." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Hm." I ate the food cold; it was teriyaki beef and rice. I ate until my stomach didn't grumble at me anymore; which was the whole box. I went to throw the foam box away when I looked out the window. It was getting dark outside when Itachi came in. Kisame scowled at him,

"Where were you?"

"I went out for a bit."

"Where?" Kisame wasn't happy with Itachi, he didn't like how quiet he was or how he always looked like he could snap and kill you. I heard a taunting voice come into play, but it didn't look like every one heard it.

"I bet you he was out looking for the Uchiha kid to go kill him." It was dead silence when I sighed.

I thought back to the Gobi, "You're probably right, but he has never actually killed him in all the times he came to him. I wonder if he did now." I was annoyed at the Gobi so I made a big mistake. I shut my eyes tight trying to push the Gobi into the back of my head so I couldn't hear him. I felt light headed, it was the first time in a long time that I tried to push him to the back. I just let him shut up. He fought back and I started to grab for the refrigerator but Hidan caught me before I was completely on the ground.

I forgot how to breathe, all I could think of was my childhood. The Gobi won this fight by pulling a dirty trick. I could hear chairs scraping the floor and footstep vibrations coming towards me. The blood was draining from my face, my vision clouded. I could hear people say things.

"She isn't breathing!"

"Is she dying?"

"Damn it, don't say that!" It felt like it Hidan was holding on to me. Almost crushing me, I wondered if it was against his religion to touch any one, and if I died he would do a sacrifice on me. But this was no time to think of that. I whispered in my head, "Gobi, what did you do." It snickered.

"I thought you would do this one day. So I just weakened you."

"Damn it, I have a mission to go to tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know that. I'll just have to work harder tomorrow. You're talented but with your chakra strength you would go nuts without someone to work with you. So I'll bend it for you." I felt like I was slipping from life.

"Let go, Gobi. Please, I cant breathe. I am going to die…." I could see his face twist up in a frown.

"Fine, just don't push me like that ever again." I let out a gasp for air and closed my eyes. I felt limp and I couldn't move as well. But I could breathe. I made some hand signs and let out a small scroll with a red dot on it, and flicked it open. The Gobi snickered.

"Butterflies… so like you." I was too weak to fight back mentally, so I didn't say anything. It gently landed on my forehead; I could feel my chakra come back into my body, helping me recover faster. Hidan was just about to smack my forehead crushing the butterfly that "came from nowhere" when Kisame grabbed his hand.

"It's a chakra butterfly. Don't touch it unless you want to drain her of any chance of recovery." I slowly opened my eyes feeling this sudden rush of chakra flowing into my body. It felt refreshing, I haven't let this much come in... Not in a long time. Hidan was still holding on to me, my face was pale, almost white. But his face was flushed when I looked at him. His jaw tightened when I looked into his eyes, burying myself in a warm feeling. I was never held as a child so this was a comfort, knowing that someone cared. I was trying to read what he was thinking but all I could see is that he was trying not to blush even more than he had.

"I'm fine," I whispered out. Deidara gave a concerned frown.

"Shienna, you almost passed out. You stopped breathing, and we all thought you were going to die." He put his hand to the side of my face and started to rub his thumb on my cheek. Kisame was worried also.

"What happened?" Angrily I groaned.

"Stupid go-" I said that without thinking. I was cut off by me sharply gasping. Deidara quickly took his hand back. My spine tingled as a pain struck my head.

In a low mumble I said, "Damn it, stop it." It gave a low growl.

"Don't push me like that."

"Well I wouldn't push you like that if you didn't inflect pain onto me and almost kill me!" Every one was confused.

"I think she is going crazy," Itachi said in a low murmur. I sighed.

"My Gobi is angry with me. You guys not having one wouldn't know how much he-" Another sharp pain in my side came.

"Stop with the shit Shienna," The Gobi was really angry, I could feel its anger come from deep within and burn my lungs every breath I took. I tried to explain what was happening to me.

"-Ell it has p-put me through. It's like an ab-" I mouthed an 'ow' from another point in my left chest area. "It's like an abusive parent when it's angry." It started to dig its fingertips into the very soul of me. I was too weak to say anything else. The final blow came.

"I might need to be left in my room… You don't have to worry about me." Slowly I got up from Hidan's arms and started to limp towards the kitchen door, people were amazed when I went in such pain. Even though they where criminals, they could feel for their fellow partners. Every step I took I could feel different pains in my body as a punishment for telling them what happens when I make IT angry. I finally got to the door when I couldn't move anymore; I was to internally damage to go any further. The door opened slightly and I practically fell on top of Pein.

"What is the meaning of this?" He asked sternly as he held up my limp body by the arm. I looked up at him, the lights made my eyes a glowing painful gold.

Trying to explain in as little words as I could, I breathed, "Gobi." Grabbing my side from the final blow I felt another pair of strong hands grab a hold of me by the waist. Yet again it was Hidan.

"I am terribly sorry about this leader, I will escort her to her quarters." He lead me a meter or two from where the door was. Kisame, Deidara, and Itachi where discussing what happened to me in the kitchen. I hated it when I felt so helpless. I didn't want people to think that I was useless, so that's why I usually pushed them away. It took me by surprise when Hidan picked me up bridal style and put me into my room.

"If you need anything just call, my room is in front of yours." I opened my mouth to speak but I just couldn't push words out. He clicked the door shut while leaving me on my bed. It was a half hour before I heard Hidan's door click open, then shut. I had enough energy to crawl under the covers. I used ink with a purple cap on it. I drew a butterfly; it would help me sleep through the night. I closed it made some hand signs then opened it. I put everything away and slowly closed my eyes.


	14. mission

I woke up to an eerie silence. I knew I had to do something.. but what was it?

"Wake up dumbass." No one was in the room; my Gobi was still angry from last night. I felt so refreshed; it was like I had several shots of caffeine. I got all of my stuff together but something puzzled me. Why didn't I hear noises? I looked on my walls for a clock; on the south side of my room was a clock. It said; 4:50 am. I didn't have to leave until 5:30. I had 40 more minutes left. I was ready to go, all I really wanted to do was eat something. If everyone was asleep I could take a quick shower…. No one would know that I did, I might smell a little fresher than normal, but what harm would it bring me?

I tiptoed to the bathroom and took a quick shower; I was ready in no time. I rubbed my hair dry, running my fingers through my hair looking in the slightly foggy mirror. The rings around my eyes made me look paler than I really was, making my skin a cream color. Everyone I knew from Konoha thought it was eyeliner, like Gaara's rings around his eyes. If it were eyeliner or makeup then it would be smeared all over my face. I came out ready to go, but sadly I had 20 more minutes left.

I could hear people groggily getting out of bed. The springs creaked when they were sat and when they moved and I heard clanking of weapons come out of every room. I went back into my room and got my weapons ready. I had my pouch of new scrolls and one of each chakra level of ink. I put them in a small pouch and filled the other pouch with kunai and shurikens. This took about 5 minutes. Grabbing my sword on the way out I made my way to the kitchen. Itachi, Deidara, Tobi, Hidan, Sasori and myself where in the kitchen. I sat next to Deidara.

"How are you feeling?" I wasn't going to say anything to make the Gobi angry with me. I frowned and thought of words that I could use with out using the explicit version.

"I am fine." I gave a faint smile. He smiled. Tobi was to excited for this mission. He announced in front of every one.

"Tobi is SOOOO happy that Tobi is going to make toast for every one." Everyone gave a light laugh.

"No! Tobi is going to make toast for every one going on the mission!" They allowed him to make toast for everyone. We had 7 more minutes left when Tobi had toast for the whole group. Even though everyone thought he was unfocused, he sure was focused on making us toast. We had only a little bit until we had to go. Time was slipping away waiting for those pieces of toast. The last pieces popped out of the toaster. Grabbing jam Tobi slapped some on the toast.

"Aww, Tobi made toast! Tobi is a good boy!" Deidara gave a huff.

"Can we have our toast that you desperately wanted to make for us?" He squealed.

"Toast is ready!" Deidara gave another huff and shoved his piece of toast in his mouth and left for the door. I grabbed my piece politely.

"Thank you Tobi-kun." We passed our cloaks and put our headbands on the counter. We wouldn't need those; if they saw the slash mark then they would be suspicious. We were off. We didn't take our cloaks because if we did then people would know who we where. The morning was fresh and cold. We left to the northeast and bounded through the forest. Giving little chakra to our feet we were going faster than normal. Sasori was next to me as we where bounding through the forest.

"We are going to the land of the waterfall. So it might take us an hour or two." I nodded my head and kept moving forward. Hopefully ninja from Konoha wouldn't be there. Hours passed as the sun started to come into view, warming things up. We were almost there, the humidity gave me a clue. We came to the gates and peacefully walked in. The ninjas didn't know us so it was easy to get past them. Without headbands we were "no longer ninjas," but now former travelers. Bounty hunters if you must call it. Or so they thought. Little did they know, we were S-ranked criminals.

Itachi had some sunglasses on so that his sharingan wouldn't be seen. We went into ally ways taking down flyers on bounties that were in the village. Itachi was apparently the head of the group.

"Tobi, you go with Sasori. Deidara you go with Hidan. And Shienna you go with me." Itachi gave them each two flyers each. All of the bounties where high up in the list. This would be an A mission if we were ranking. Each bounty was about 10,000 yen. We split off into groups. I wasn't trying to stereotype Itachi like his brother. I wasn't trying to label them under the same category but I couldn't help it. The way they looked at things, the way their faces where carved. They looked too much alike. I didn't know if they acted alike or not, but I only hoped for the best.

Each group had two while Itachi snuck two extra into our pile. We had four bounties. 40,000 yen wasn't bad for one trip with just our money alone. With each of our bounties we would have made 80,000 yen.

Itachi and I.

Itachi and I where tracking down our first victim. He was a man about 6 feet, a tall man for his age. He had robbed many stores and killed many innocent men and women. We spotted him down an empty road holding a young woman up in a store. Itachi sighed.

"So noticeable, He mumbled out. We were walking when Itachi had one hand on his shoulder and one hand on his sunglasses.

"MANGEKYO SHARINGAN." The man went limp, just standing there. The woman was frightened and ran back into her shop.

"Shienna would you do me a favor? I am a little tied up at the moment."

"Sure? What is it."

"Please remove all his weapons and knock him out and somewhere in-between tie him up." I did what I was told. I just took his pouch for my own and all of his weapons. He had a big pouch by his side. I checked his pockets, nothing was there. I patted down his chest to see if he had any. I got to the top of his chest and found a locket. I opened it up and found a photo of what looked to be like his wife and child. He was trying to feed his family… I shook my head and sighed. It took a lot of stupidity to go out and steal. I tied him up and Itachi flung him over his shoulder. His locket was hanging from his neck and caught the sun just right. We were travelling to the spot where Tobi was. Tobi was with two other captives.

"Good, the others have gotten there first. We need to hurry up if we are going to get this done faster than the others." I just nodded my head. Itachi and I went looking for the other man. Itachi was smart and got a gang, all three of the posters where of the gang members. He put on a good show. I followed his every cue. I felt a little uneasy when he held my hand. Few people where in the streets as we walked towards them. Itachi made his pocket change clink. It was annoying at first but then I knew what he was doing.

"Hun, what would you want me to buy?" I put my index finger on my cheek.

"You know, those jade necklaces? Those would be wonderful, along with those ivory earrings." He was making them think of jumping him. He faked a smile but it looked so real.

"Anything for you, love." The clanking of the change had pushed the bandits to their limit. We were walking past them when some one grabbed Itachi's shoulder. He gave a soft laugh, let go of my hand and took down his sunglasses.

"MANGEKYO SHARINGAN." All three of the men just stood there limp just like the last man had. I nodded my head when Itachi gave me three sets of rope. Taking their weapons, tying them up then knocking each and every one of them out was an easy task. Itachi took two while I took one. I picked him up with great ease. Itachi looked down at me, me being only being a little shorter than he was, my chin was about shoulder length to him.

"Shienna?" I looked up.

"Yes?"

"I am sorry if it was boring, I only did most of the work because I knew once you got into a fight it would be hard to pull them out before they where dead. It goes for the same with Kisame. So sorry if I took out your fun." I sighed.

"It's ok. Our mission was to bring them back _alive_, so we did our job." We got there and everyone was walking in while we where. Sasori was the first one to say anything.

"And you guys got to take down the big gang?" Itachi only nodded. Deidara was annoyed.

"I had to do all the work, because Mr. Religious man was no help. He couldn't touch them unless he killed them." Hidan was glaring at Deidara.

"It would have taken more time to fucking capture then killing them." Deidara let out a sigh. We went to the head of the village, turned the bounties in and took our money. Just like I calculated. 80,000 yen. The sun was setting when we left the village. It was still warm, the humidity was lingering in the air so it kept some of the warmness. We were halfway home when the sky was a dark blue. There was a sliver of sun but it could not be seen. Going to the southwest, back to the base. The humidity was fading into a bitter coldness. Oh how I hated the cold. I was still bitter towards the Gobi, but couldn't do anything. Muttering under my breath how damn cold it was I shivered and hit hard on a tree branch. The tree branch started to chip. I guess I used too much chakara. Tobi caught up to me.

"What's wrong Shienna- san?" I realized that my face was a cold plastered glare; I tried to pull my eyebrows apart from the scowl to relax.

"Nothing Tobi-kun, I'm just cold and want to get back to the base soon"

"Tobi thinks that something is wrong. Please Shienna- san, tell Tobi what's the mater." I bit my lip.

"My Gobi was angry with me… so I had to pay for it," I whispered. Tobi was quiet for a while. We traveled farther and farther from the waterfall village. And soon the base was in view. We slowed down to a steady walk. I guess Tobi had nothing to say about my Gobi, maybe he was thinking. It was dark outside, but the room was flooded with light. People who didn't go on the mission where all over the living room. Deidara was next to me when Kisame came to greet us.

"So. How was the mission?" I didn't look to thrilled.

"It was accomplished." Deidara smiled.

"We got our money." Kisame led us to the couch where Zetsu and Konan were also sitting. Zetsu and Konan looked so casual. The way they looked at each other. It was truly a masterpiece of love. Pein didn't look to excited, he would look over to them then go back to what he was doing. It was hinting something sorrowful. Did Pein love her? Or was it that he thought of her as a sister, and didn't want her to get hurt? Or would this mess things up in the operation of being an evil organization? I would know tomorrow when I asked Zetsu about Konan.

Itachi gave the pouch of money to Pein, then he divided it into fourths then divided the fourths into sixths and gave those sixths to each of the members who went on the mission. Each of us got 3,333 yen. It was getting late. We discussed what happened. Deidara explained how he used his clay bombs to defeat them. Some parts were hand wavy but we just went along with it. It was getting later, and later… then Deidara finally finished up his story with a yawn.

"I think I am going to go to bed." Kisame was already asleep slumped over the couch with his head back, letting drool slide across his smooth blue skin. I patted the side of his face.

"Time to go to bed." He gave a snore then snapped his head back. Blinking twice, the glaze was still in his eyes. He drowsily staggered to his room and let the door click shut behind him, the springs creaked and then a soft snore came from his room. Both Deidara and I laughed. We walked down the hall, said good night to each other, then entered our rooms. The man didn't come that night. And I was glad.

Author's note:

I am really sorry that I procrastinated on this one!

Thanksgiving, and and and ;;  
I had school.

Well it's up.

:3


	15. All Too Fast

It was all moving too fast for me.

It had been three months and it's now October. Everyone is like family.

I know how they act, and what makes them happy, and what makes them tick.

Zetsu and Konan have been happy together. I guess that flower did help. Pein has been pacing a lot lately, looking at the happy couple. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't touch him because I thought my sixth sense would pick up his pain. I had enough on my own; I didn't need to feel his too. Deidara and I have been good friends. Itachi has opened up to me. After the fall started he knew that I would stay inside because it was cold outside. He gave me a scroll on helpful nin-jutsus. I was starting to feel lazy. I haven't tainted in a while, and my stomach wouldn't shut up. Constantly growling and taking in food. Well… I was dining for two.

I grabbed my sword and started to head out of the building. People where bored and where laying around. My sword caught Kisame's eye. He had a grin from ear to ear. He was on the couch and flagged me down.

"Hey Shienna where are you going?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"I'm starting to feel lazy and I'm going to go out to train."

"Hold on, I'll go with you." He still had that silly little grin on his face when he came back with his sword. We were going out the door and out into the woods. It was even colder than it was in September. The grass was crunchier with frost. There was a light wind that pushed a bitter cold smell into my nose. We trained for a half hour when Kisame spoke to me.

"Hey Shienna, why don't we have a duel?" I gave him a smile that matched the size of his when he saw my sword.

"I would love that." It was going to start. I stretched my arms, and my legs. I started to bounce around getting the blood to move around my body.

"Okay, ready." He nodded his head. We came in the middle to agree on some points. Okay, we aren't going to puncture the skin to far in. The only way you can win is to get it up to the other person's neck. I nodded my head. This was going to be interesting.

We took 40 paces away from each other then waited for the first move to be made. I got tired of waiting; he **was **trying to manipulate me to make the first move. I knew it. So I would have to think of something to make things spicey. I came in for a run in attack. Running with my sword dragging behind me on my left side. Ten paces more I swung it upwards to the right. Then back to the left. Kisame met my sword with equal strength. We continued this back and forth meeting each other's swords. It was fun for a while, but boring when it lasted too long. I did another move with my sword.

I looked like I was going to hit his sword but I took steps to my left and curved it left then back right. I was too late. Kisame moved his sword to fast and a loud clink echoed in the open space. He started to laugh. He knew that I was getting bored of the same move over and over so I did another move "unexpectedly."

I decided that I would give him a run for his money. I pushed myself back then ran to the side of him making him follow me with his eyes. I popped up behind him just about to put my sword by his head. But then he vanished. I guess he put chakara to his feet and moved so fast that I couldn't see. He was behind me. I moved my sword to my neck and met his sword. We continued to attack each other again and again. I put chakra into my feet, closed my eyes, and ran towards him. He did the same. We met in the middle. It was a draw. We had a little knick both on the back of our hands, trickling out a little blood. We both laughed. We were equally matched. But if we didn't show mercy then, who knows who would have won. We put our swords up and started to come back. Both of us where very tired.

I could feel something watching me. It was an eerie feeling to have some one watch you. I turned back to see who it was but no one was there. Duh, they where probably ninjas and hiding stealthily. The wind made a light whooshing noise, the dry brittle grass swayed. Kisame felt it too. We walked side by side. Suddenly, he fell. The back of his leg had been hit. Quickly, I rushed to his side, pulling out a kunai. Thank god it didn't hit a major artery, but it was still bleeding. I pulled out some wrap and wrapped his leg. He must have hit his head hard because he was just laying there. I felt a chill go down my spine. I checked his head. Pulling his head up nothing was wrong with it. I felt relief but I was still worried why he had passed out. I checked the kunai. It had a white crust on it.

Quietly I whispered, "Tranquilizer?" It was in him too long so he passed out. Alone, I still felt like I was being watched. I opened a butterfly scroll to help him recover. I made some hand signs and opened it. The butterfly landed on his head; I would have to carry him home. I tried to pick him up, but he was as heavy as a ton of bricks. I lifted him up and staggered some odd number of paces towards the north, but failed and had to put him down. I was just way too tired to do anything. I heard movement behind me, many footsteps followed. I opened my pouch to open a scroll with weapons in it. Slowly I moved to take it out. Step two was to open it. I slowly started to open it then rotated my upper torso to the right and held on to the end of the scroll. Weapons where flung out of there. The ninjas dodged easily and just kept coming. I knew I was defeated. They came closer. I could feel the earth's sand wrap around me. I was lightly squeezed. I was turned around to see who my captors where. Not just one person, but many people.

Shikimaru, Naruto, Gaara, Sakura, and Kakashi where there looking mortified into my hopeless, tired, dull gold eyes. I could tell that they had mixed feelings about this, I could tell that the strongest feeling was accomplishment, and joy that I didn't put up much of a fight as I would have if I wasn't so tired. I looked into each of there eyes. Shikimaru's gave off a smug look, apparently his plan worked. Gaara's emotionless face was still on him, but his eyes shimmered with sorrow. Naruto's eyes where the same as Gaara's; full of sorrow. Kakashi's eyes looked ashamed, how could his best student turn out like this? And Sakura's eyes just looked pissed. She didn't do anything. Useless as always.

After missions Naruto would be full of joy, beaming out on how well he did, and the highlights of the big show. But he wasn't like this. No one spoke. Kakashi didn't say "Well done." No one said anything. I was still carried by sand, captured, and probably will be executed after they interrogated me. I couldn't think, nothing would process. I knew I was going to die, but I couldn't do anything. I was thinking so hard that I passed out of exhaustion.

When I woke up I was in a white room, I was in a new fresh outfit, and chained around my neck, wrists, and ankles. The one around my neck I quickly learned was electric. It would suck out any chakra that I was building up, and any rash movement would lead to surges of pain and silent screams. People were watching me through the window, giving me no pity. It was interrogation time, or the candy coated version… "Visiting hours." Kakashi was the first to enter.

His dull eyes pierced my soul. I knew that the other eye under his headband was open. He placed a cold hand on my shoulder, then pulled away quickly. Could this painful sorrow from my heart move through my veins and seep through my skin? He removed my neck collar/electric hell from me. He didn't say a word. It was silent and I could feel that it was going to be a melancholy day. He spoke so smooth, each word smothered in pain.

"Why did you leave?" I looked at him straight in his eye.

"I left because I was not needed." I answered the question truthfully. I was allowed to sit, he sat with me. Strangely the blinds were drawn and the door looked like it was locked. The room was not bugged nor anyone was peeping.

"How so?" His smooth voice was trying not to crack into emotion.

"Everyone hated me. Everyone." I could only whisper.

"I don't think that's true." He shook his head in disapproval.

"Would you like me to quote every one who has said things towards me?" He just sat there.

" Sakura- June 12: 'You bitchy freak, why are you here?' end of quote. Sasuke April 4: 'Shut up loser, your to stupid to figure that out.' …" He cut into my quotations.

"They said that to you? And you didn't tell anyone?"

"… Yeah they did, and it doesn't mater… because all I would have been doing was snitching. I would sound whiney and weak." He was silent.

"Now can't you see? I left because I was not needed. Everyone hated me.. so I left so they wouldn't have to do this, learn not to hate." He was speechless and wrapped his arms around me.

I whispered, "So this is what a hug feels like." He hugged tighter.

"I know of your past and every thing that has happened to you, and you're still this forgiving. You didn't seek revenge…"

"All I wanted to feel was like I mattered, so I went looking for it. I found it… and you took me back to this hole to bury me alive."

A single tear rolled down my right cheek. My Gobi was growling from the inside. My lunges burned. It wanted to kill every one who brought me back. Wanted to slaughter every one in its path, every one that lived here. I tried to calm it as much as I could. The only thing it could do was over take me. But I wasn't going to let that happen, even if he killed me. I was limp fighting a mental war when Tsunade came into the room and coughed.

"Time is up Kakashi." He hugged me tight then loosened.

"I'll be back," He whispered. Kakashi left the room and Naruto came in. I felt calmer when he came in. I guess my Gobi and his Kyuubi connected. I was still chained to the wall. My cream-colored tank top and shorts where dry except this one spot right on my right leg. It was darker because that's where my tear fell to. My face was emotionless. On the inside I was afraid, and miserable. He sat next to me. His orange jumpsuit didn't fit the mood.

"Why…" That's all he could say at the moment.

"You had more willed than I did. You where the seed planted in dry soil before the rain came. I was thrown on the rocks, waiting to die." He gave a sad little smile.

"Always using metaphors." We were silent.

"Why is it that you're different?"

"You know what I am?"

"Your human, I know that," He said dumbly.

"Look beyond that."

"A human with a soul."

"Look what's in it." This was all new to him. No one knew except the elders and leaders.

"I am just like you… nine tails." His face looked like he got stabbed with a hot knife.

"Tails?"

"Five."

"I- I never knew…"

"No one did."

"I never knew you were just like me."

"Go ahead and tell everyone, tell them that the freak has turned even more freakish." I shook my head. He looked in even more pain.

"No, I cant call you a freak… because you're not, you're just like me. We are special."

"Special in what… being isolated?" I had a point. Tsunade came in.

"Time's up Naruto." He placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

He left the room…A chill came down my spine when Sakura came in. I knew that the best was over. She was in my face the whole time with questions. I sat there, limp while she tormented me.

"Why did you leave?"

"Did you go after Sasuke?"

"You know he loved you, you acted so obnoxious!" She slapped me hard, and started to cry.

"You idiot. What the hell are you?"

"I have a Gobi," I whispered. Her eyes narrowed.

"You are not."

"I am a dead man walking, why would I lie..." She slapped me again, crying harder.

"Look into the eyes of this liar, tell me I'm not telling the truth." My eyes where a solid gold with the black rim around them. I gently grabbed her finger and swept it over my rings.

"See how fake they are now?"

"You're even more of a freak then I thought you where." She hit my head against the wall and ran out.

I heard Tsunade's voice again; "Temari, you can go in." Her voice was dull. I had a red mark on my right cheek. Temari was in rage when she first heard the news that I was back. She squatted down in front of me.

"You're the one who caused my brother pain."

"I did?" She slapped me hard, just like Sakura did.

"You idiot, yes you did! He hasn't been the same. Killing more! Glaring at every one! Cradling that stupid drawing that you did for him!" She slapped me again and again. I did not scream, nor cry out for help. "AND YOU LEFT HIM TO DIE!" Tsunade heard what was going on, and opened the door.

"What's going on in here?" She looked annoyed, then her face softened up when she saw all the slap marks on my face, and the small cut right next to my eye I received when Sakura hit my head against the wall.

"And she didn't scream or call out for help," she murmured. My eyes where glazed with a melancholy paint, and parts of my body where covered in pain colored polish. Tsunade didn't let anyone come in for a while that day.


End file.
